The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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