He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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