So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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