I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
is it fun? or sober?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
