so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
