Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
