I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
