the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
