Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize