I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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