i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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