I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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