No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just pee around me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
