oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
