i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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