this beer tastes like vomit already
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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