on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
