I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
