God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
