That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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