margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
