Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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