Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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