If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
