So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
