you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
