just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize