Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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