Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My life is pants optional.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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