Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Randomize
