420 ftw
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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