I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
