I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
