Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
