so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
