he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
