took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize