Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
