My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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