So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
