Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
