Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
