8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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