Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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