I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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