I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
