She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
