I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
