I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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