We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
