that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
