I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
