Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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