ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
