all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
