Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
