If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
