i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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