What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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