apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize