Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
