So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
