Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
