He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize