This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
