I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
