fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
