They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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