She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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