I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
