You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
