You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
