come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
