I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
