watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
