Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize