Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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