i will never coherently bang her
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
