he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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